Tuesday, November 11, 2008

...figment of my imagination

composed May 2008



Were you just a figment of my imagination?

How did I get so caught up in my fantasy of what I believed to be true

In front of me?

Was this an illusion, or was this time with you a reality?

I’m left doubting my own sanity

Was this a figment of my imagination? Something I so badly wanted to create

That I was swept up in what was in front of me

And forgot to look back to see if this was just me caught up in my own fantasy

Of who you were and who you were to me

Maybe you were just a figment of my imagination – a cocoon I built to keep me going

Feeling contained, that I got comfortable in.

Now I’m left with just questions asked, and unanswered

An aching heart and rivers of tears for all the visions I held dear in my mind was simply a fantasy, cruel and unkind

A figment of my imagination…

Of feelings unrequited, distance growing vast, silence spoken loud in words exchanged,

Patience exhausted, spent holding on

Losing sight of what was really in front of me all the time

That I could not see

Of emptiness, fear and endless running, running away leaving behind

deep traces of imagination and tracks so real that I fell into the grooves of my own imagination, following the tracks to disappearing lands

in the figment of your imagination’s endless desert sands

How it is I saw only the peace and goodness and refused to see what really existed

In my mind’s eyes

How did I foolishly keep traveling this journey on a phantom horse that

Steered me to those desert sands so far to the end

That I’ve lost my way in my own creation

My own figment of my imagination

In which I ceased to exist….in your imagination any more…

Malaysia & the US: race and race relations

COMMENTARY RESPONSE to "My Point Exactly"

by carol g, Nov 6 2008

On the topic of race and race-relations -- I agree with Karina that Obama's victory has been a hugely significant in breaking the racialized glass ceiling. And a monumental step forward and likely, source of healing, for the African American community here in the US. And yes, I suppose, a pretty significant, albeit, perhaps superficial (for some) -- progress on the part of white and non-black people of color (hell yes! even these/us? folk!! have internalized all the racism that poisons our minds), who actually voted for Obama for his Anti-Bush political stance and steady character, not his race or color.

The US population has been craving some level of intellectual, rational, humane, thoughtful, measured, transparent and communicative leadership --

(not to mention, for some of us here anyway, -- an anti-imperialist leader). Someone who is willing and able to listen. And who has some sense of who and what the rest of the world is -- (and is able to actually pronounce names of countries! and non-Western names, accurately! haha!)

And, we hope to goodness -- that Obama will make good on all of these characteristics. And that way restore, revive, and consider, the US public's participation in civic and political life. He's got a lot to deliver, a LOT - no doubt – mostly damage control. A huge inherited mess to correct. Can he do it? Can anyone? Remains to be seen....I think at least, if nothing else, he will offer the public transparency and has rejuvenated the belief and drive for public participation to hold government accountable again.

Back on the race thing -- My fear tho -- with his election into highest office -- will result in especially white folks, especially liberal, left leaning white folks or those holding privilege, to actually believe that racism has diminished or ended, with a black man as President. And will rest on their laurels and pat themselves on the back for being so open minded and progressive.....and thus absolve themselves any responsibility for racism that continues to run deep in our families, social structures and institutions, through the media.

In fact one of the CNN pundits declared that "no black person should come whining and claim that racism has acted as a barrier in their back in life -- now that the American (sic) public has spoken for Obama and a black man holds the highest power in the country".

Malaysia too has a huge long way to go in terms of figuring out how, on a very basic level to even discuss race, race relations and racism (not to mention all the other social injustices - around class, color, religion, heterosexism, xenophobia....). We have such an odd, unexamined, often taboo or unspoken set of rules and accepted attitudes about race and class -- despite the fact that it has and continues to so blatantly play out in front of us each and every day in many of our lives. The derogatory terms used to describe each of our races, the scapegoating of immigrants (taken over the role of Indians now, I s'pose....), the bullying of certain children in school, the outrage and disowning of children when they date or marry outside of their race. Those terrible dehumanizing, even violent words people use to refer to someone's color, or ethnicity or nationality, call each other and that children mimic from their parents and then internalize as their own.

All these have really rarely been challenged to really have open public discourse on the dismal state of racism that is rife in private and public Malaysian life. Geez - I'm sure there's no shortage of hearing one's own friends and family members spewing this kind of rhetoric....that perhaps masks our deep frustration with our socio-political condition and continues to segregate us from each other.

Not to mention the utter lack of freedom of expression - to openly address the ethics of racial or religious supremacy that is part of the political fabric of our nation.

I'm not sure that Malaysia can ever reach a state of governmental or social equity that truly values human rights and the equality of all beings let alone dream of a time where our country embraces a national leader of who is biracial or of any race -- if we don't do the work of really, openly addressing and struggling as a community (perhaps, much like the civil rights struggle or the anti-apartheid movement, or a stonewall) to define who we value as citizens, and to whom we afford human and civil rights.

Without that collective, united struggle that all races of people own (and own up to being responsible for)-- I can't see that the fundamentals of racism in Malaysian society will even begin to be purged. Nor then, its deep-tangled linkages and maintenance of who owns and controls the economy and shapes the policies of our nation.....of a time when any Malaysian, brown, yellow or hitam manis - stands a chance of becoming prime minister....

c~

My point exactly...(cross posting)

My point, exactly... (cross posted from Karina's blog)

By Karina Bahrain “the red pencil”

Obama: The Lesson For Malaysia

Thursday, Nov 6, 2008

Not since the freeing of Nelson Mandela has the world apparently taken such high interest in a national political figure’s ascendance to power. The Obama phenomenon seems to have swept the globe, garnering him supporters from all corners of the world, even among us who have no voting rights in the USA.

That the man has inspired such hope in many of us, even those who may not stand to directly benefit from his leadership speaks to the power that the United States yields as the earth’s most prosperous nation. We all understand the significance of his appointment. It is a clear signal that the world’s richest nation is no longer ruled by a White majority, whether or not you want to downplay the race card.

And it’s about time. It’s about time America joined the majority of the modern world in finally walking the talk. After all, other countries, Britain included, have had minorities lead their governments and states. Peru even had a Japanese man lead their country. India, on that count is leaps and bounds ahead of some of the most developed nations.

America has been long and slow in coming round to really putting its money where its mouth is. For all its talk of freedom, and its self-assumed role as avenger of democracy, it has always perpetuated the glass ceiling of gender and race in its political hierarchy.

Now that ceiling is shattered, by a man who is genetically half White and half Black. Someone that racially at least, is difficult for either side to deny as their own.

Obama’s victory points to a development that we Malaysians should consider in the coming years. In the same way that his victory indicates the changing face of the American voting populace, our political and racial landscape too is shifting.

It will only be a matter of time before a candidate rises to the UMNO presidency who is half Malay. Not someone of nebulous mixed background that needs to be traced through several vague ancestral routes but decidedly bi-racial. As in only one of his or her parents will be Malay.

What of Ketuanan Melayu then? I look to my one-and-a-half-year-old nephew, whose mother is Malay and father is undoubtedly Chinese. Yet, according to definitions set out in our cultural and legal framework, he is classified as Malay. If he were ever to become President of UMNO, what would be his perspective of Malay rights?

Surely you cannot ask him to deny his Chinese family members who have been here for generations and in his mind deserve as much a right to national privileges as his mother’s side of the family?

It’s time we moved on. Even America has, folks. Race is fast becoming an irrelevant card. It is NOT the new black. It’s people who make the difference, not their skin colour. And the sooner we Malaysians realise this, the better we will be positioned to remain relevant in this world where even a politician in a different continent becomes your business.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

gingerly entering this new cyber dimension......

errr....I'm gingerly braving this new dimension to real life.....will it totally consume all my mind's space and time..... and render me hostage to the cyber goddesses?